Ah, the good ol’ rom-com. These movies are the perfect re-watch, especially while we’re all stuck inside. While Hollywood mastered how to make a good (or cheesy) rom-com, there were some major things they got wrong about sex. Here are some of the most unrealistic expectations rom-coms gave me for sex. Watching these movies growing up, before ever being in a relationship for myself, I feel like I was hustled, scammed, bamboozled, hood-winked and lead astray. It’s time to call these movies out on their bullshit; here are some of the biggest myths that rom-coms taught me about sex.

Myth #1: Losing Your Virginity is Really Romantic

If you’re one of the few people who had a romantic experience that wasn’t filled with awkward, painful and fumbling moments when they lost their V, let me know, because you’re one in a million. My first time was on my high school boyfriends couch listening to Ed Sheeran with American Psycho playing in the background. Nothing says romance like thriller movies. Rom-coms have led us to believe that our first times are sweet, tender, and romantic with flowers and candles surrounding us. As if. If movies wanted to show us what it’s really like, it should show the first time being awkward, uncomfortable and just messy. This depiction of losing your virginity is even further from reality than every show on Bravo.

Myth #2: Orgasms are Easy

After watching The Notebook and just about every other Nicholas Sparks inspired-film, you can only hope that sex will be as satisfying as those love scenes. Characters in rom-coms can have orgasms in literally the blink of an eye, which couldn’t be further from reality. A female orgasm does not happen as easily as ordering something from Amazon. In fact, only 8-25% of women can finish from vaginal penetration. WHY IS THIS NOT A MORE WELL-KNOWN STAT?!

Myth #3: Foreplay is Non-Existent

If you’ve ever been asked “are you ready?” within 10 seconds of hooking up when you’ve barely had time to realize what’s happening, you can thank rom-coms for teaching us that after 20 seconds of making out, you’re ready to have sex. Foreplay is never overrated; in fact, it’s essential. Not only does it get you in the mood, but it makes sex less painful. I’m not a doctor, but pain during sex can be caused by a lack of lubrication, which comes from foreplay before the main act. Having good sex is like getting a good workout in- if you don’t warm up before, you’ll probably hurt something. Don’t sacrifice sex for speed, take the time to get warmed up.

Myth #4: No One Pees After

In every single rom-com I’ve ever seen (and I have seen A LOT), not once has any female main character gone to pee after sex, because she’s worried about getting a UTI. Couples in movies often cuddle and fall asleep and no one is worried about any infections. Maybe I’m high-strung, but the thought of falling asleep and putting myself at risk for a UTI would inhibit me from having a good night sleep.

Myth #5: Hooking-Up with Your Platonic Best Friend of the Opposite Gender is a Really Great Idea and Will Always Lead to Happily Ever After

Again, if any of you have done this – and it’s actually been successful—please come forward. Countless rom-coms have the female main character falling in love with her male best friend after hooking up once, and realizing that they’re meant to be. NEWSFLASH — This rarely happens. Most often, hooking up with your male best friend happens when you’ve both had one too many. This inevitably will lead to an awkwardness that you both won’t be able to get over for a solid few weeks, and if you’re lucky, the friendship goes back to normal, and your drunken hookup maybe becomes something that you joke about. Otherwise, hooking up with this person will ruin the friendship and make things awkward for years to come… or so I’ve heard.

 

So, who’s ready for a modern day rom-com that depicts what sex is actually like? I wish someone could have warned me that life isn’t like a movie, because it would have saved me from a lot of unmet expectations. Here’s to hoping that 2021 will bring some sense of authenticity to these movies so that women will have more realistic expectations not just for their relationships, but their sex lives as well.

Images: Giphy