Since no one has had any concept of time in almost a year, I’m here to remind you that Valentine’s Day is coming up. Not only does Valentine’s Day filled with cheesy puns, but it also comes with  insurmountable pressure of doing something, but not something that’s too something, ya know? Obviously, we all want to have some kind of plan for V-Day besides watching He’s Just Not That into You for the 1000th time and eating all of the chocolate you picked up from the drugstore in one sitting. Considering how much of a complete shitshow 2020 was, Valentine’s Day is a welcome opportunity to celebrate SOMETHING. But depending on how long you’ve been dating (or just hooking up), you don’t want to put too much pressure on the situation, especially in a year where everything has been just super fucked up. So, what should you do with your significant, or your not-yet-officially-significant other, on Valentine’s Day? I’ve figured it out. Here’s what you should do based on how long you’ve been seeing each other.

Less Than 1 Month

You met someone that you really like recently, and have hung out with a few times! Mazel tov! It’s super funky fresh and new, and you want to hang out with them more, but Valentine’s Day is LITERALLY right around the corner, and you don’t know how to handle it. At this stage? Just don’t. If they ask your availability for that day or if you have plans, then you can figure it out, but don’t be the one to bring it up. We don’t want to look desperate out here. I get that it’s a pandemic after all, and you’re super stoked to have found someone, but it’s not worth celebrating Cupid’s Day if there’s a chance you’re just with them until the pandemic is over. Sorry, not sorry.

3-5 Months:

At this point, you’re a few months in and still experiencing the honeymoon phase. This brings up the age-old question- “WTF do you do for Valentine’s Day?” At this stage in your relationship it’s totally okay mention that you’d like to do something casual for Valentine’s Day. Suggest ordering in dinner, or watching a movie at one of your places.  Spending time together is to be expected, but you don’t want to go over the top. If you do exchange gifts, make sure they’re small and inexpensive i.e. cool pairs of socks or a book or something.

6 Months – 1 Year

Now we’re entering into “if you forget Valentine’s Day, we’re breaking the fuck up” territory. It is definitely expected that this holiday is acknowledged, BUT make sure you actually EXPLICITLY tell the person you’re dating that you’re interested in making plans. They may not know you even care about this ridiculous holiday (unless you’re my boyfriend, who hears me talk about Valentine’s Day for 2 weeks before. Hey, bae!). In a pre-pandemic world, I would say to plan something classic and cute, like dinner at a cute restaurant and then a movie or a fun activity afterwards. However, since this very much a pandemic world, you can order in dinner from a nice restaurant and use it as an excuse to dress up. You can also give get real presents without fear of looking too invested, because at this point, you’re in too deep.

1-2 Years

After a year, you’re fully committed, you’ve spent way too long together during quarantine, and there are no rules for Valentine’s Day. This is when it’s appropriate to get nice gifts, jewelry, flowers, that whole thing, if you’re into it. You can also do that whole “purchase sexy lingerie as an added present to keep the romance alive because we barely have sex anymore” thing. Literally, do whatever you want.

 

2+ Years

You’re basically married, and probably annoying to your single friends. Valentine’s Day is overrated, and once you’ve done the whole cutesy thing a few times, you can stop giving a fuck and just cook dinner and have some wine.

If you’ve been dating for 3+ years, you should know enough about your significant other to not be scouring the internet for Valentine’s Day articles. Just saying! Happy Valentine’s Day lovers!!!!

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