Celebrity gossip is like the air we breathe or our morning iced coffee. We just can’t get enough of it. We constantly need to hear about our favourite celebrities and what they’re up to. When a celebrity dies, we have a stronger emotional response than when our great aunt twice removed passes away. When Michael Jackson passed away, the funeral was televised, all 21,000 seats of the Staples Center were filled, and an estimated 31 million people tuned in to watch. To put it in perspective, that is more views than Trump’s inauguration. But it isn’t just death that people fixate and obsess over. People need explanations for everything that happens, which can explain the countless celebrity conspiracy theories that come out when there is an unexpected death, a big live moment, or any slightly weird behaviour.

I wouldn’t say that I am a conspiracy theorist, but when it comes to Hollywood, I like to pull out my tinfoil hat sometimes. I’ve rounded up some of my favourite conspiracy theories that entertain me, make me question everything, and also just make me want to say “what the actual fuck?!”

Lindsay Lohan has a Secret Twin

Starting this article off with one of my all-time favourite conspiracy theories; in fact, I love this so much that I even once brought it up on a first date. Before I delve into this absolutely batshit theory, I have to remind you of the iconic 1998 film, The Parent Trap. I don’t know how anyone could ever forget this movie but in case you do, this film officially launched LiLo’s career AND got her a lot of attention for playing twins. Her performance was amazing. Maybe a little too amazing.

The theory states that Lindsay had a real twin sister who went by the name Kelsey who starred with Lindsay in The Parent Trap. I’ve heard two versions of the theory. The first is that Kelsey Morgan Lohan,  was mysteriously murdered before the release of The Parent Trap or sometime in 2001 when she was said to have mysteriously “vanished”. The second version of this theory is that Kelsey and Lindsay were in an awful car crash prior to the release of the movie and that Kelsey lost her life.

Disney, not wanting any sad news to cloud the release of the movie made the Lohan’s keep this a secret, and Lindsay, traumatized by the loss of her dear sister and being forced to keep it silent, turned to drugs and alcohol to cope.

Avril Lavigne was Replaced

Avril Lavigne is one of Canada’s national treasures, so I had to include this theory, because, you know, patriotism. Rumor has it that in 2003, our fave Sk8r Girl committed suicide and was replaced by a doppelgänger. The theory states that Avril became so overwhelmed with the demands of fame that she hired a girl named Melissa Vandella to fill in for her and confuse the paparazzi. But, when Avril did die, Vandella just kept the act up and stepped into the roll full time.

The “proof” has included Avril’s different red-carpet outfits (apparently, she liked to wear trousers but Melissa prefers dresses and skirts). Another reason people believe this theory is that her nose changed at a point, but also so did half my friends’ noses in university (haven’t these people ever heard of plastic surgery?).  Theorists also believe that Avril’s music style went from emo-punk to more pop princess-y and that was all Melissa’s doing. I totally agree that a musician can change their music style, but I don’t think that this is evidence for a deeper conspiracy.

Paul McCartney is Dead

Before there was any conspiracy theory about Avril, before any rumor that the world is run by lizard people or all celebrities are clones, there was the ‘Paul is dead’ urban legend from 1969. The theory alleges that Paul McCartney of The Beatles (or Stella’s dad) died in a car accident on a rainy, stormy night. To spare the public from grief, the star was replaced with the winner of a McCartney look-alike contest. Fans were convinced that the band left clues in their music, like John Lennon saying “I buried Paul” in Strawberry Fields Forever, when he was actually saying “cranberry sauce”.

In an interview in November 1969, McCartney said that he thought the reason that the rumor got started was “because he hadn’t been in the press much.” If people thought I was dead because they hadn’t heard from or about me, there would probably be a different rumor about my death a week.

Britney Spears Was Special Ops for George Bush.  

Have you ever stopped to think if it was just a coincidence that Britney Spears had a public scandal every time the Bush administration messed up? I’m Canadian and also wasn’t really a functioning human during George Bush’s presidency, because I was like, 6, so this didn’t really impact me, but maybe you’ve thought about it. People think that the US government paid BritBrit to have some sort of scandal every time the Bush government done fucked up. Kind of like a political thirst trap, I guess.

Examples include (but are NOT limited to): April 2006- Bush’s approval rating and Britney was photographed driving with her infant son on her lap; February 2007- Bush announces the reformation Al-Qaeda. That same night, Britney sneaks out of rehab, shaves her head, and attacks a paparazzi van with an umbrella. Afterwards, Britney-related drama dried up around the 2008 election—either because she was put under a conservatorship under her dad’s control (#FreeBritney) or Bush was no longer president, so he no longer needed her service. You be the judge.

Marilyn Monroe was Murdered

Marilyn Monroe, the woman who was an Insta baddie before the guy who invented Instagram was even born, was found dead in her home on August 5, 1962.

Anyways, her death was ruled “acute barbiturate poisoning by accidental overdose”. People believe that this isn’t the case. Due to Monroe’s ~intimate~ relationships with the Kennedy brothers and the mob, some speculate that she was killed by the CIA, and was staged as a suicide because she knew too much. Since this is probably true, it makes you think how many other deaths “accidents” were. If something happens to me after this article comes out, it wasn’t an accident—FYI.

Princess Diana was Killed by The Royal Family

If there is any theory from this article that you actually think is real, this is the one. There are theories upon theories about how Princess Diana’s death wasn’t really an accident and that the Royal family orchestrated it to get rid of her. There were so many of these theories that the British government opened an investigation called Operation Paget to look into all of them. You mean to tell me that they thought all of these theories were found to be fake? Suuuuuure, Jan. Anyways, the most popular theory is that Diana got pregnant with her new boyfriends’s baby and that the royal family killed her to cover it up. Even Diana believed that her monster-in-law was after her and that the car she rode in the night she died had been tampered with. Spooky.

Tupac Faked His Death

Tupac passed away before I was even born, but I have always been fascinated with the Pac vs. Biggie rivalry. This theory alleges that Tupac’s death was an elaborate hoax so that he could escape to Cuba from his increasingly dangerous lifestyle and celebrity status. Videos of “Pac” living the life in Cuba have emerged, but also, why would he be hanging out so publicly if he was really trying to hide?

“Evidence” supporting this is that the shooters were never found, Suge Knight (who was with Tupac when he died) wasn’t hit, and the man who cremated Tupac retired immediately. The only people who believe this theory are frat boys who are yelling it in your ear to try and seem cultured at a crowded basement party.

Bonus: Illumanitigate

What is a conspiracy theory article if the Illuminati doesn’t get a shoutout? If you don’t know about the Illuminati, are you actually a person? This theory states that basically all celebrities are members of the Illuminati, which, according to their own website “is an elite organization of world leaders, business authorities, innovators, artists, and other influential members of this planet” who are tasked with ensuring the survival of every human on the planet. Honestly, the proof is everywhere and you can decide on whether or not to believe it. Spoiler: you should probably believe it.

Are there any theories I forgot to include? Sound off below!

Images: Esquire; Candy Magazine on Giphy; The Frisky on Giphy; Music Sleep Repeat on Giphy